Post FET Consult

It is truly amazing how quickly the weeks go by when you aren't following a calendar day by day. Has it really been almost 2 weeks since I last posted? It is almost a relief to have a little "break" in the ever-continuous cycle & just live life without worrying about "did I already take my aspirin?" or "what time is it? I need to do my injection" or "who is around to give me my PIO shot?"

It has been a great little break & I have been super busy occupying my time these past couple of weeks doing lots of FUN things with my girlfriends! Definitely good for my soul! You can check out what I have been up to here :)

So today was the post failed-FET consult. The hubby unfortunately couldn't get out of work & I hated to cancel the appointment & wait another 2-3 weeks to get in so I went by myself with my list of questions in hand. My RE didn't really say to much about this cycle other than YAY I was able to get pregnant & BOO it was a chemical pregnancy. She said for my age & having DOR it is unfortunately the luck of the draw.

I had asked about our other 2 frosties & what were the chances of them being just as shitty-quality as the others & she said "honestly Heather, I can't tell you that since we didn't do the genetic testing on them. They may not "look" as good as the other four did but that doesn't mean they are chromosomally abnormal. I have definitely seen not so good-looking embryos turn into viable, healthy pregnancies. It basically is the luck of the draw".

There's those words again - "luck of the draw". Ugh - have I told you that I hate gambling? Seems that all these cycles have been a gamble & I am just waiting for that big win!

So then I asked her what the next step would be for us if this FET doesn't work out & if we proceed with ART. Here is what she said:

a) We could do another fresh IVF cycle (#2 with this clinic & #3 overall) & she highly recommended doing PGD screening of all embryos on day 3 to rule out chromosome & genetic disorders. Unfortunately, it also comes with a price tag of $5000 additional to the IVF fees :( But on the plus side we would know for sure which embryo's are viable BEFORE transferring & which are not which would save us the cost of doing a FET of bad embryos along with the emotional turmoil in the future.

b) We could skip a fresh IVF cycle using my own eggs & move right into a cycle using an egg donor.

c) We could decide that this is the end of our IF journey & live life with no biological children & perhaps pursue other options like adoption or living our lives without children.

Our RE felt that we should wait on options b & c. She says that even though I will be 39 yo next month, my FSH was only 9 so I still have some "time" left to do another fresh IVF cycle with my own eggs. Also because they do egg donor cycles on women up to 50 years old. (Wow - can't imagine being in my late 40's doing this!?) She felt that another fresh IVF cycle would give us just as many or possibly more embryos & after doing the PGD screening on them we would know for sure we would be transferring good quality embryos.

So, after all that was discussed I told Dr. B that we want to get started on the FET #2 as soon as we can & if that fails then we will talk about our options & what we want to do. She said the NP will call me with the dates & a calendar so I am hoping it is very soon....as in tomorrow!

So that is where we are at - hope to be starting FET #2 this week & hoping for a "win"!

Hello AF

HCG on Thursday was 19 & today:

This morning I was 5 weeks & 4 days pregnant & this afternoon it is over. So bittersweet. On the one hand I am thankful this didn't drag on but on the other I am now having to face the reality that this pregnancy is definitely over.

Glad that I am now finally able to deal with it & move forward.

Inspired

For the last 3 days, I have heard this song every morning when I am leaving the house & every evening on my way home from work. Coincidence? Who knows? I would like to think it is "the big man upstairs" way of helping me deal & get through the day.

Anyways, it is called "What Faith Can Do" by Kutless - one of my favorite Christian groups. The words are very inspiring - especially for anyone who is going through a difficult time. I know it has helped me get through the last few days & just wanted to share.

To all my girlfriends dealing with IF, or a recent loss or just struggling in general, this song is for you. Listen to the words - they are pretty powerful...

HCG #4

19.6

At least my levels are coming down quickly - what a relief! I was getting worried this may end up being ectopic but that doesn't seem to be the case! I am to report back in one week for HCG #5 & hopefully it will be at 0!

Ugh - being in "hcg limbo" totally sucks. Hopefully I shouldn't have to wait too long for AF to show up! The nurse called & told me to stop all my meds (been there, done that 2 days ago) & to schedule my post consult appointment.

So our WTF appointment is scheduled for July 20th & we will more than likely jump right in to FET #2. Will be glad when this emotional roller-coaster ride is over.

HCG results #3

66.6

I don't even know what to say or how to feel right now. I am so pissed, frustrated, sad - you name it & I am feeling it.

The nurse told me to continue my meds & we will redraw the HCG on Thursday to see where we are at but I'm not sure why I need to continue them? With a result like that I know where this is going. Besides, I am out of PIO & estrogen patches & I am tired of going broke spending money on IF meds that produce no baby so I am making an executive decision & I am stopping all my meds today. What's the point of going through all this when I know in my heart how this is going to end? Why prolong the inevitable? Even if the number does continue to rise, this isn't going to be a viable pregnancy. Staying on the meds would just be torture so I am done!

I'm not sure where we go from here. It is too upsetting to even think about right now. The hubby wants to sit down & talk about it tonight. I feel so bad for him that I have F'd up eggs & I can't give him a child! It just isn't fair.

I know we still have 2 frosties left but we transferred the best 2/4 last week & they didn't make it so why would the other two make it? I just don't want to be on this emotional roller coaster anymore. I am SO over all of this IF shit & I want to either have a family or move on without one.

I'm just so tired of being stuck in limbo, tired of enduring all of this & just plain tired of dealing with IF.

HCG results #2

61 :(

It didn't double but it did rise which the nurse said was a good sign. She also said they like to see a rise of 1.5 - 2 x's in 48 hours which it did & at this point it really could go either way. Next HCG is Tuesday.

At this point I don't know what to think. I am trying to stay positive but I ain't gonna lie - it is really hard! I am so frustrated right now. After the emotional rollercoaster I have been on these last 2 years, why can't something just go easily for once?

Ugh - and so we wait....again!!!

HCG results

39.9

Not the highest number in the world but anything >5 is considered positive so I guess as of today I am officially pregnant!

Next beta is Friday morning so will be saying lots of prayers for a doubling number!

Ugh - this is so stressful!

Confession

I've been keeping a secret.

I broke down Sunday morning after my 5dp6dt post & started peeing on sticks.

Um - by the looks of it I think I might be pregnant :)

The true test will be the HCG blood test which is tomorrow so could you all please say a little prayer for a high number!? I would very much appreciate it!

Oh & for those of my friends & family who read my blog if you wouldn't mind, could you please keep this little tidbit of info on the "down-low"? I've got such a LONG way to go & many hurdles to get over before we start sharing the news. Thanks so much!

OMG - this just might be happening for real!!

5dp6dt

So today I am 5 days post 6 day transfer.

So far, so good. There has been no spotting & no "feeling" like AF is around the corner. I have been having some mild cramping, my boobs are really sore & I am SO tired in the afternoons. I have taken a nap each day for the last 4 days & I am so not a "nap" person. Pretty sure that is due to all the estrogen & progesterone I am taking.

With the FET cycle, there seems to be ALOT more meds I have to take post transfer than with an IVF cycle. Here is what my daily dose of medication looks like:

Morning:
- Vivelle - (estrogen) 4 patches every other day
- Estrace 2mg
- Progesterone vaginal suppository 100 mg
- PIO injection 50 mg/1ml
- Baby ASA 81mg
- Prenatal vitamins
- folic acid 400 mcg

Afternoon:
- Estrace 2mg

Evening:
- Progesterone vaginal suppository 100 mg
- Lovenox injection
- Estrace 2mg

I was worried I would forget to take something so I had to make a daily chart & now highlight the meds as I take them - yes I am a bit OCD :)

Not sure when I will POAS. I have a whole box of them under my sink just waiting to be peed on :) I will definitely be testing the morning of my beta just so I am prepared for the phone call later in the morning but I just may be tempted to POAS earlier!?

::sigh::

We will see...

FET done

After 3 weeks of BCP, 2 weeks of Lupron injections, 2 weeks of Estrogen patches & 1 week of Progesterone injections, transfer day is finally here!

The morning started out crazy-busy. I took my sister & adorable nephews to the airport this morning & said goodbye after 4 days of much fun & lots of running around. Right after I dropped them off I got the call from the Embryologist letting me know that the first 2 embryos they thawed had survived so those would be the ones we would be transferring today. So that means that we still have 2 frosties left :) I was SO happy to hear this news. Gives me one more ounce of hope that if for some reason this cycle doesn't work then we still have one more chance.

After stopping at the airport I then rushed off to my acupuncture appointment & had a super relaxing session. Definitely what I needed after such a busy weekend! Afterwards I headed on over to the IF clinic for the FET. I ended up meeting my husband in the lobby, popped my Valium & we headed into the clinic. Our transfer was scheduled for 11:30am but they were running behind so we sat there for almost an hour waiting. Needless to say the Valium kicked in while sitting there & I was falling asleep on my husbands shoulder. At 12:30pm they finally called us back to do the transfer & I was WAY relaxed.

We were taken back to the transfer room & got to view our embryos on the monitor. Here are our potential future babies:












They couldn't fit both embryos on the monitor so that is why there are two separate pics. I had asked the Embryologist about the grade/quality of the embies & I was a bit disappointed when she wouldn't give me a straight answer. It gave me the feeling that they weren't very good quality & she just didn't want to tell me. All she said was that they were good quality with some fragmentation & they quality was unchanged since before the freeze. So I have no idea how good they are but to me it looks like the one on the bottom looks better quality than the one on the top!? I know perfectly fine babies come from all kinds of "grade embryos" so I am going to not worry about it & just leave it in God's hands now.

The transfer itself was easy & went flawless. Dr. R said there was no trauma to the cervix when inserting the catheter & that the transfer went perfectly. I laid there for about 15 min after it was all said & done then headed home where I proceeded to take a 3 hour nap. Now I am just chillin' on the couch catching up on blogs & DVR shows. I am to stay on bed rest through Thursday morning when I am to return to work.

So now we wait 8 long days. Beta is Wed, June 29th so here is to a speedy week with lots of growing & sticky embie vibes sent along the way.

Ute check

This morning I went in for my bloodwork & endometrium uterine lining scan. Labs came back with Estradiol being a smidge low & Progesterone was within normal range. With the low Estradiol my RE wants me to start taking Estrace 2mg 3x's daily starting today to bump up the estrogen levels. More Estrogen = more hot flashes - fabulous :)

Next up - a date with the dildo cam. As I am sitting there half-naked :) I said a little prayer that we would find my lining to be nice & thick with no ovarian cysts. Just then the NP walked in. To my surprise it wasn't my usual NP but rather my very favorite NP from the other IF clinic I used to go to. I was SO happy & excited to see her & she instantly gave me a hug! She is the NP who did ALL of my scans during the 6 IUI attempts & my failed IVF cycle so she was VERY familiar with my history & it felt so comforting to have her there. I was shocked to find out she had quit over there & has been working at this clinic for over 4 weeks now. It was definitely a nice surprise & so nice to see a familiar face who knows all about my journey these past 2 years.

After much catching up, we eventually started the scan. I am happy to report that I have no cysts, my ovaries are nice & suppressed & she said "you have a nice, thick, juicy (lol) uterine lining showing a beautiful triple stripe & measuring a little over 11mm". I am so glad & relieved to hear all is progressing well in the uterus :)

So the plan is to stop Lupron on Thursday - YAY, start the Estrace today, continue with the Estrogen patches & on Thursday start the Progesterone IM injections & suppositories - BOO! And in-between all that I will start taking the Dexamethasone & a Z-pack.

At my last WTF appt, I talked in great detail with my RE about trying a blood-thinner after the ET & with my 2 m/c & failed cycles she thought it wouldn't be a bad idea & couldn't hurt to try. So we agreed to go ahead & do Heparin injections 2x's daily starting Thursday & will continue those indefinitely. FET is still scheduled for late morning next Tuesday!

We are exactly one week away...woo hoo!

*Update: I stopped into the pharmacy after work tonight to pick up my Estrace & Heparin & they informed me that they are out of stock of Heparin so they called my RE & ended up switching me to Lovenox. Only one injection a day - yay! She said as things progress, they may switch me back to Heparin since the half-life is so much shorter than Lovenox. So we will see...

Re-check

Good news!

Had my blood drawn again this morning to recheck levels & my progesterone came back at 1.0 & Estradiol remained <20.

Fully suppressed - woo hoo!

So today is officially CD 1 of my FET cycle. The plan is to decrease the Lupron injections back to 10 units & start the Vivelle (estrogen) patches. I am to return on June 14th for a blood draw & an US to check my uterine lining to be sure it is thickening. If that checks out ok then we will proceed with the FET at 11am on June 21st.

We are getting closer - yay :)