Update

This morning I started my holiday weekend with an early date at the RE's office for a CD 3 US & blood draw. No cysts found on the ovaries & my bloodwork came back w/in normal limits - FSH: 7.7 & Estrogen 58 so I am good to go for round #3 of the injections.

They are increasing my dose of the Follistim to 125iu's daily instead of 100iu's to see if I can't grow more follicles. I start that tonight with the next US scheduled for Wed morning (CD 7) so we will see how things are progressing then.

I am on the same exact schedule by the day as the last 2 months so if everything tracks the same, we should be doing IUI next Mon or Tues.

To be cont...

Bad timing

Yesterday I took a HPT which you all know by now was a BFN. Today is CD28 & like clock-work, I started spotting. Tomorrow AF should be full on...

So if tomorrow is CD1, then that means the following weekend my follicles should be ready to trigger & do our IUI procedure - the same weekend we will have TONS of family in town for my brother's wedding! Can the timing be any more wrong?!?

Can you imagine the morning of the wedding, before I'm to get my hair done with the rest of the bridal party, rushing home to "collect" my husbands sperm & run it to the clinic, get inseminated & rush back to the girls before too many people notice I am gone! NICE...

Good thing is the IUI should happen over the weekend so the hubby doesn't have to get out of work. Bad thing is it is the weekend of my brother's wedding. Oh well, I guess you can't "time" mother nature?! We will see what happens...

Just as I thought...

So I POAS this morning & was not suprised to see a stark white stick staring back at me :(

Not sure how many more "slap in the face" moments like these I can take. I wasn't even the least bit excited this morning to test. In fact, I woke up dreading it because deep down I knew what the result would be but I went throught the motions anyway. It is really starting to wear on both me & my husband!

I said I would give the injections a 6 month try but after just 2 months I am not so sure anymore. I am starting to think we should just accept this fate of ours & move on. I am going to talk with my RE during my CD3 visit & see what his thoughts are. Pretty sure he will suggest moving on to IVF but I just can't grasp paying $13,000 out of pocket for something that only gives us a 50% chance of working?!

Decisions, decisions....

Getting Together!?

We went with Plan B...

Decided to forego the IUI since Shane missing work was going to be a problem. No big deal though - it was actually kind of nice for once to not have to rush a sample up to the Dr's office & have a plastic tube inserted into an area where no plastic should go :) When I called the NP to tell her the plan, she said in these exact words "make sure you & Shane do alot of "getting together" these next few days"! She is an older nurse & is too cute!

So I triggered on Sunday night & "got together" with the hubby.
Monday night I "got together" with the hubby...again.
This morning I ovulated & this evening proceeded to have yet more "together" time with the hubby. Let me just say that we are BOTH done with the "getting together" part - for the rest of this week anyway! Tomorrow morning I start the Prometrium - ugh! 14 days of constant leakage & dampness is oh so fun! I can hardly wait!

And with that, the 2 week wait begins...

The Dreaded Holiday

Each year we set aside a day in May to honor mothers. While Mother's Day is a special day for millions of women, there are those of us who dread this day each year. For all those childless woman who desperately want children or has had to endure a miscarriage or the loss of a child, Mother's Day can be extremely challenging and very difficult just to get through the day.

For me, this would have been my first Mother's Day had I not had a miscarriage last March. I find today even more difficult than Thanksgiving or Christmas or any of the other holidays that have come throughout the year. While every holiday marks the passage of time, bringing with them the relentless thoughts of, "Surely by next year I'll be pregnant", Mother's Day is a holiday that celebrates motherhood. And if you're desperately trying to achieve that goal & not having much luck, it can be hard.

My dear sister sent me a wonderful article to read today & it was exactly what I needed. It let me know that she understands what I am going through & that those of us who have suffered a loss are not forgotten.

Please feel free to read the article here!

And as hard as today may be, I'm going to try & remember that while my arms may be empty today, there is always hope for tomorrow.

Plan B

So I had my CD10 US this morning & on the left ovary was a 19mm & 16mm follicle. Nothing on the right ovary. The nurse said I was "ready" & could trigger tonight & do the IUI on Monday morning but unfortunately the hubby isn't going to be around Monday morning so we had to move to Plan B.

I was told to take Ganirelix which is an injection that is given to control & suppress ovulation. Then do one more shot of Follistim tonight, Ovidrel shot tomorrow night to trigger ovulation & IUI on Tuesday morning. So after my appt I went to Walgreens & picked up yet another expensive dose of medication & proceeded to inject myself in the belly. This one hurt & stung like a mutha...

Shane started a new job less than a year ago & they have been a real pain about him coming in late for these kinds of appts or taking any time off. So if they end up hassling him about Tuesday morning then we are just going to leave this round up to good ol' fashioned timed intercourse rather than scientifically done.

Stay tuned...

Follie Check

It is CD7 & I had another morning date at the Dr's office with the dildo cam :) Looks like I have an 8mm follicle on the right & 2 good sized follicles on the left measuring 12mm & 10mm. I have another US scheduled for Saturday morning so we will see what that shows. Estrogen was 103 today so it is rising which is good! I may be triggering after the appt on Saturday just like last time?! We will see...

New Cycle

With family in town 2 weekends ago & a super fun weekend in Vegas for a girls trip I have unfortunately been unable to update my blog for awhile.

So today is CD 7.

Had my CD2 US last Thursday to check for cysts & got the go-ahead for round 2 of injections. I started injections this past Saturday evening while I was in Vegas. I was hoping to spend the weekend NOT having to think about IF for once but oh well!

I have my CD 8 US tomorrow to check follicle counts & their size so I am hoping there are a few growing in there & that we will be able to do the IUI this weekend!? More to come...

Monday morning blues

Today is 15dpiui & I finally POAS this morning only to start my day with a...

BFN :( I was so very disappointed but kind of expected it! I guess all my "symptoms" were due to the Prometrium after all?! Thank goodness I can stop taking that medicine for a couple of weeks & get my "Ladyville" back to a dry, pleasant environment once again :)

I am supposed to have my beta drawn tomorrow but I'm beginning to wonder what is the point!? I have been feeling bloated & crampy all day so I can guarantee that AF is right around the corner.

I guess when AF shows herself we can begin round 2 of injectables!? I can hardly wait for the injecting to begin - NOT!

Feeling "symptoms"

For the last 4 days, I have been having these symptoms - or maybe I am just crazy!? Who knows...

-Breast tenderness
-nausea
-fatigue
-bloating
-slight cramping
-frequent urination

Could it be pseudo PG symptoms or just the side effects of the Prometrium?

Ugh - this 2 week waiting game is dreadful but thankfully it is almost over! I am supposed to have my beta drawn on Tuesday & that day can not seem to come soon enough! Knowing myself, I will probably break down and POAS before that!?

Keeping my fingers crossed...

One of those days...

I am officially done with week one of the 2-week-wait-limbo. It went by quickly which I am glad about & hopefully next week flies by also. My sister & 4 mos old nephew are coming to KC on Friday as well as my mom so I will be busy this upcoming week preparing for their arrival. I hope to also be distracted by their visit this next weekend so I don't obsess about wanting to POAS everyday!

Friday turned out to be one of those "hormonal" kind of days - at least that is what I am blaming it on! First thing I hear when I get to work is that one of the nurses on the floor is pregnant & they had only been "trying" for 3 months. Later that day, I get on Facebook & I find out my cousin has posted that she is pregnant. Her first one isn't even a year old yet & bam, just like that she is PG! Then that evening, I get a text from my BFF who is 20 weeks pregnant saying "It's a girl!!!" I'm beginning to wonder how much more I can take today?!

Now don't get me wrong - I am extremely happy for each girl & their situations but today I can't help but feel resentment & sadness when I heard their news. That may be rude of me to think like that but I'm sorry, I just can't help it - I am just keeping it real. I am going to chalk it up to "it's just one of those days"!

When I got home from work, I told my husband that my cousin was expecting & he said "wow - that must be nice to be able to get pregnant so easily"! The disappointment I heard in his tone shocked me! At that moment I realized that my infertility is affecting my husband too & that made me even more sad that I have failed to recognize his part in all this.

I guess I forget that this just isn't all about me!?

Started Prometrium

So this morning I started the Prometrium per my RE's orders. It is supposed to help create a nice comfy, sticky, lining in my uterus so that a fertilized egg can implant & set up shop successfully for 9 months.

I got out of the shower, toweled off & then proceeded to insert one of those capsules up into "Ladyville". I was a little anxious about it since these capsules were big & I was worried I wouldn't get it up there far enough & it would fall out. Lucky for me, it turned out fine. No big deal.

Fast forward 2 hours later. I am in the middle of a procedure at work & I start to feel unpleasantly "damp". I go to the bathroom to investigate & I don't know if it was just an abundance of cervical mucous or if it was the melted progesterone capsule but whatever it was it was not pleasant to say the least. I am assuming it was the Prometrium.

So, for the next few hours I proceeded to feel damp & untidy down south & all I could think of was that I have to insert another capsule when I get home this evening as well as 2 capsules everyday for the next 14 days!?! Nice...

So, after work I made my way to Walmart to pick up a box of pantyliners & some feminine wipes to tidy my damp-self up with.

It never ceases to amaze me all the stuff us ladies have to go through to try & have a baby...