Tuesday, July 5, 2011

HCG results #3


I don't even know what to say or how to feel right now. I am so pissed, frustrated, sad - you name it & I am feeling it.

The nurse told me to continue my meds & we will redraw the HCG on Thursday to see where we are at but I'm not sure why I need to continue them? With a result like that I know where this is going. Besides, I am out of PIO & estrogen patches & I am tired of going broke spending money on IF meds that produce no baby so I am making an executive decision & I am stopping all my meds today. What's the point of going through all this when I know in my heart how this is going to end? Why prolong the inevitable? Even if the number does continue to rise, this isn't going to be a viable pregnancy. Staying on the meds would just be torture so I am done!

I'm not sure where we go from here. It is too upsetting to even think about right now. The hubby wants to sit down & talk about it tonight. I feel so bad for him that I have F'd up eggs & I can't give him a child! It just isn't fair.

I know we still have 2 frosties left but we transferred the best 2/4 last week & they didn't make it so why would the other two make it? I just don't want to be on this emotional roller coaster anymore. I am SO over all of this IF shit & I want to either have a family or move on without one.

I'm just so tired of being stuck in limbo, tired of enduring all of this & just plain tired of dealing with IF.


LCSween said...

Oh Heather, my heart is just so sad for you right now. I wish I had better words, but there just are not any. big (((hugs)))

Scubagirl said...

I am so sorry. IF is so hard. ((hugs))

Casey // align my heart, my body, my mind said...

Oh honey, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. IF sucks horribly. Hang in there, and I agree about stopping meds- I did that in the past as well- why prolong the torture? Big hugs for you.

Anna said...

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you.... (((HUGS)))

Nickie said...

Just as I said in my texts yesterday...and today. I am thinking of you lady. I wish more than anything I could take this long, hard, heartache filled road away from you. I have been praying for you and your journey for far longer than I can begin to express. I know when you are blessed with your children (not to exclude the furbabies of course) you will be the best Mom ever. I have said that to you...and to others about you. It is in your soul. In the 8+ years I have known you, I have always known that about you.
Hang in there and know I support you in whatever decision you and Shane make.
Lots of love!

Dandle Dreams said...

Oh Heather, that is heartbreaking. I am so sorry that you didn't get a better number. It's not fair at all.