FET Consult & WTF

So yesterday was the FET consult & our WTF appt. I am amazed at how fast 3 weeks has flown by. Glad to have the wait behind me & looking forward to putting on my boxing gloves & fighting another round.

So first was the failed IVF consult. After reviewing everything, Dr. B said she was disappointed in our outcome & couldn't have asked for better results from this IVF cycle based on my age & the protocol she used. We ended up with 2 high-quality embies to transfer & 4 frosties & she was VERY happy about that. So with so-called "perfect" embryos, why did it not work?

Dr. B explained to us that even though the embryo's can look "perfect" they may not be chromosomally perfect & the only way to know that is to do PGD testing. Unfortunately, we opted not to do this testing since it added an additional $6000 on to the bill. She also told us that for women my age (>38yo) that 90% of the eggs that are left have chromosome abnormalities. So of the 11 embryos we had to start with then only 1-2 embryos would probably be viable & result in a live birth. So I pray out of the 4 we have left that we have a couple of "non-chromosomally-challenged" embies to transfer since the other 7 didn't make it. There has to be at least one good one, right???

I also asked about checking for auto-immune issues & doing RPL blood-work. Dr. B checked my chart & said I had a partial workup done in the past at the clinic I was at before which were all normal results & she agreed it would be a good idea to do a full workup for both the auto-immune & RPL. Just incase there is a piece of the puzzle we are missing.

So this morning I stopped by the clinic on my way to work to have those drawn - 13 vials worth! The results should be back sometime next week. Dr. B also said that regardless of the results, she would put me on Heparin or Lovenox injections after the FET just as a precautionary measure. Her reasoning was that the AI blood-work doesn't test for ALL auto-immune disorders & 5 years ago a lot of these disorders were unheard of. In 5 more years there will be even more auto-immune disorders being discovered. So to cover all bases & since it can't hurt, she is going to have me do the blood-thinning injections & continue them through the 1st trimester if we are lucky enough to get pregnant. So we will have to just wait & see what the results are & go from there.

I asked about possible uterine problems & Dr. B informed us that more than likely this wasn't an issue. My HSG was normal & my lining was excellent. The transfer was smooth, with no problems & no bleeding.

Dr. B also had reviewed our remaining embryos with the Embryologist & said we have 1 expanded blast, 1 blastocyst with <10% fragmentation & 2 blastocysts with <20% fragmentation. She suggested we transfer 3 embryos & her reasoning was after looking at all their data/statistics from past years they have never had someone my age get pregnant with triplets after transferring 3 embryos. Twins? yes Could I be the first at my age to conceive triplets? yes My chances of triplets? slim

So that pretty much covered all my questions. Now we wait to see the results of the blood-work & go from there. Bottom line is I have diminished ovarian reserve & my eggs are crappy-quality. That's it. Oh & I'm old ;)

Now onto the FET cycle. We will begin this round when AF gets here which should be sometime next weekend. I ovulated on CD 11 this month which is about 6 days earlier than usual so AF may be arriving sooner!? Another waiting game...

Looks like the FET cycle will be MUCH easier than a fresh IVF cycle! Once I get AF I will receive my calendar with definite dates but we are estimating the FET to be around the 1st or 2nd week of June. I will have to take BCP for a couple of weeks along with Lupron for 4 weeks (the devil) & Estrogen patches until PG is confirmed. And not only will I have to do the IM progesterone shots again but I have to do the suppositories as well 2x's/daily! Ugh - a sore ass AND a messy hoo-hoo :( NICE.

I am planning on starting the acupuncture back up when I get my calendar. I think it really helped with relaxation & besides, I miss my Acupuncturist :( She is SO sweet & SO down-to-earth. Love her.

So that about sums up the appointment. Lots of things covered, questions were answered & yet another plan in place. I am feeling good about it. This game ain't over just yet...

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HT

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About a week after I stopped the PIO (progesterone in oil) injections, I developed a weird rash on my left butt cheek where the injections were given:
Kind of gross-looking isn't it? The bumps look like hives, they sometimes itch, they don't ooze & it seems to come & go. I've been putting hydro-cortisone cream on it but it doesn't seem to be helping. We have our WTF appt this Wed & I'm going to ask the NP to take a look at it. I'm not sure if it is an allergic reaction to the sesame oil or the preservative in the PIO or something else? My right cheek looks fine.

Has anyone who has done PIO injections seen or heard of this happening at the IM site? Whatever it is, I just want it to go away.

WTF appt

Well, the WTF appointment had to be rescheduled because I couldn't get away from work so our appt is now Wed, April 27th. That was the soonest we could get in. I am also on the "cancellation-list" so if somebody cancels their appt it could be sooner. Crossing my fingers this happens. It feels that 3 weeks is a long time to wait but when I think about it, I have spent my last 4 years "waiting" so what is another 3 weeks in the grand scheme of things?!

I have been doing a little research as to WTF is going on with our failed cycles & have gotten some input from the lovely ladies on the IF forum as to what kind of questions to bring to the table. So far I am going to ask about these topics & if they might pertain to me:

-recurrent pregnancy loss workup
-autoimmune disorders
-autoimmune &/or alloimmune implantation dysfunction
-immunologic workup & treatment options
-antiphospholipid syndrome

Diagnosing these issues is simply done through lab work. The treatment for the autoimmune & antiphospholipid issues are basically steroids & SQ shots of Heparin or Lovenox so not too bad of a treatment. I had an RPL workup done almost 2 years ago but not exactly sure what was all tested so I am going to be sure to ask.

So that is what I got so far. If any of you reading this can think of anything else I should ask about, please leave a comment.

And on another note, AF showed up today in full force. Sure didn't take long for that biotch to set up shop! Figures...

The fat lady is singing...

You know that phrase "it ain't over 'til the fat lady sings"??? Well, the fat lady is singing :(

Woke up this morning & had no spotting. Actually thought that maybe...just maybe it could be a positive result after all!? POAS & it was negative. Went in for my beta, got to work, went to the bathroom & bright red blood. Not just a little bit but TONS of it (sorry TMI)! I was crushed. I had my moment, dusted myself off & proceeded to go back to work. I knew in my heart it was over before I even got the results.

Fast forward to lunchtime. Still no call. I had taken my patient up to their room & was surprised to see a very dear friend of mine working today. We seem to never be at the hospital on the same day so I was SO happy & blessed to have run into her - especially today. She is also going through her 1st IVF in the next couple of weeks & goes to the same clinic as I do. We have sent many a text to each other & have been very supportive of each other these past couple of months. I told her about the events this morning & she gave me a huge hug. Cue the tears :( I lost it. We got to talking about everything & God love that girl she got me laughing & I love her for that. She will never know how much that hug & her just being there at that moment meant to me. (actually she reads my blog so now she knows - thank you SO much JJ! xoxo)

Ironically, during our conversation I received the phone call. "So sorry to tell you...stop all your meds...schedule your WTF appt soon....blah, blah, blah". Unfortunately, I have heard it all once before & let me tell you - it stings just the same the 2nd time around.

So, where do we go from here?

I called the clinic to schedule our WTF appt & they just so happened to have a cancellation tomorrow morning. Lucky us. So we are going to that appt to discuss everything & figure out our plans for our frozen embryo transfer. Not sure if we will jump into that right away or maybe wait a cycle before we proceed. We will see what tomorrow brings. Right now, I just need to get through today.

7dp5dt

Reality has set in & I am starting to accept what isn't going to be.

I was crampy all day yesterday & started having brown/reddish-brown spotting yesterday afternoon & as of this morning it is still present. A devastating reminder of how my last IVF cycle ended up! I am upset, disappointed, frustrated, sad - you name it I am feeling it. I haven't told Shane yet about the spotting because I don't want to worry him so I will just wait until the results of my beta tomorrow to tell him the news :(

I have spent the last 24 hours consulting Dr. Google trying to find some glimmer of hope that all this cramping/spotting will result in a BFP but the signs just aren't pointing there. Yes, some spotting is supposed to be normal but not the amount that I have been having nor is it normal to be spotting while taking PIO injections.

I know we have 2 more chances with our frozen embryo's but right now I am on the verge of giving up all hope. I am beginning to think that something is wrong with my body & that maybe I am just not meant to have children. I want so badly for tomorrow to get here so I can be told my beta was negative & move on to the next cycle.

This is such an emotional roller-coaster & I just want off the ride :(

A Mama's Love

Since my last post was such a "Debbie-Downer" I thought I should post something a little more positive. If this doesn't warm your heart, then I don't know what will.

Ever since I first heard about this a week ago, I am strangely addicted. Maybe fascinated would be a better word?!

There are three baby eagles about to hatch any day now & they are capturing this live on the web. The Raptor Resource Project in Iowa has set up two cameras perched 80 feet high in a cottonwood tree where the mother eagle has her nest. They will provide live streaming of the nest through all three eggs hatching. The group says at such high resolution, viewers should be able to see cracks forming in the eggs before they hatch. The eggs are expected to hatch between March 30 and April 1.

As of 10am this morning there is one baby eagle that has hatched & he is so stinkin' cute! I actually had tears in my eyes when I saw him & saw the mama eagle lovin' on him. Sweetest thing ever!

If you watch the mama eagle for even a short bit of time, you will quickly see how strong a mother's love is for her babies. She is VERY protective. Any little sound she hears & she is looking all around to check out what it is & where it is coming from. She doesn't get up too much but when she does the cameras zoom in on the eggs & baby eagle so we can see if any progress is being made with the hatching. She is often seen using her beak to turn the eggs & to fluff up the nest & to watch her settle in on top of the eggs is kind of comical. Takes her forever to get settled in!

If you are really lucky, you will see papa eagle come by & visit! He will also relieve mama (which I got to see this morning) so she can find something to eat & he will perch on top of the eggs until she gets back. It's like watching the changing of the guards. It is a pretty awesome thing to see & they are such beautiful birds!

With the sound of nature all around, watching this live streaming is relaxing & can be hypnotizing. I am somewhat embarrassed to say it, but I probably check in on the mama eagle like 20 x's a day. It is pretty neat so if you got some time, check it out. I bet you keep coming back :)

http://www.kwch.com/kwch-watch-iowa-eagles-about-to-hatch-20110331,0,439272.htmlstory

*If you go to the page & find it is off-air, be sure to check back later.

5dp5dt

Today I am 5dp5dt.

The unsettling feeling of "this didn't work" is starting to kick in & I am trying to stay positive but I ain't gonna lie - it is difficult. Perhaps I am just preparing myself for the end result to turn out negatively!? As a coping mechanism I think we all do that. In our minds we always prepare for the worst.

I started having AF-like cramps yesterday & they are still present this morning. My breasts aren't sore, my back doesn't hurt, I'm not bloated & there is no spotting. I just have the mild cramping which of course is making me think the worst & I can't help but to expect spotting every time I go to the bathroom. It is seriously making me crazy.

A lot of you have asked me if I am going to POAS before my beta & the answer is yes. For me, I need to be mentally prepared for what the answer is going to be on Tuesday since I will be at work when I get the phone call. So I am going to POAS that morning & then get my beta drawn at 7:30am & await the call.

I can't tell you enough how nervous I am for the result. I don't fear hearing a negative result but rather I fear having to go through the sadness & disappointment of another failed cycle - again! I fear having spent thousand's of dollars with nothing to show for it - again. I fear having to tell my husband that it didn't work - again. I know I can handle the disappointment but to see it in my husband's eyes is what kills me. Last time I feel like a failed him & I am sure I will feel the same if we have to endure this again. The only thing that will keep me going is the fact we have 4 snowbabies left.

Ugh - this is just so hard. Mentally, emotionally, physically. God please give me the strength to get through these next 3 days.