Today I am 5dp5dt.
The unsettling feeling of "this didn't work" is starting to kick in & I am trying to stay positive but I ain't gonna lie - it is difficult. Perhaps I am just preparing myself for the end result to turn out negatively!? As a coping mechanism I think we all do that. In our minds we always prepare for the worst.
I started having AF-like cramps yesterday & they are still present this morning. My breasts aren't sore, my back doesn't hurt, I'm not bloated & there is no spotting. I just have the mild cramping which of course is making me think the worst & I can't help but to expect spotting every time I go to the bathroom. It is seriously making me crazy.
A lot of you have asked me if I am going to POAS before my beta & the answer is yes. For me, I need to be mentally prepared for what the answer is going to be on Tuesday since I will be at work when I get the phone call. So I am going to POAS that morning & then get my beta drawn at 7:30am & await the call.
I can't tell you enough how nervous I am for the result. I don't fear hearing a negative result but rather I fear having to go through the sadness & disappointment of another failed cycle - again! I fear having spent thousand's of dollars with nothing to show for it - again. I fear having to tell my husband that it didn't work - again. I know I can handle the disappointment but to see it in my husband's eyes is what kills me. Last time I feel like a failed him & I am sure I will feel the same if we have to endure this again. The only thing that will keep me going is the fact we have 4 snowbabies left.
Ugh - this is just so hard. Mentally, emotionally, physically. God please give me the strength to get through these next 3 days.