Wow - hard to believe it has been 1 month since I last posted. That just doesn't seem possible. The summer is almost over & I am not sure where the months went. I do know that I am SO looking forward to fall which is thankfully right around the corner!
So what's new with me? Well, not that much. I was on BCP for 4 weeks & started my Lupron shots last week. So far I haven't had the awful headaches or the feeling of being in a "fog" so that has been good. I will be going in for my suppression check this Tuesday & if all goes well then I will start the estrogen patches.
In just a few short weeks we will be transferring our last 2 embryos. Not sure how I am feeling about this. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately & can't help but be preparing myself for where we go when this FET doesn't work. I know that is a horrible attitude to have but that is what months & months of one disappointment after another does to someone who is living with IF - it leaves you with no hope.
Honestly, I just feel like I am going through the motions with no emotion. I am burnt out & pretty much "over" IF. I don't expect this FET to work so therefore I'm not excited about it nor do I feel positive about it. I guess I'm just preparing myself mentally & physically for the end result.
When our FET is all said & done, as I see it we will have 3 options:
- do a fresh IVF cycle w/genetic testing of our embryos
- do an IVF cycle w/donor eggs
- do nothing & be done with this journey
I don't know that we can afford a 3rd IVF right away since we are all OOP & our RE has already suggested that if we do a fresh cycle that we don't wait as I am not getting any younger. With donor eggs, I can do a FET up to age 50 (not that I would want to wait that long) so we would have some time to pay off #2 & save some money for a new round. Who knows - I guess we don't need to decide anything for another month so why am I even pondering it!? I'm starting to ramble....sorry!
Ugh - sorry to be such a "Debbie-Downer". Just facing a dose of reality & not dealing with it very well.
I think I'll go "deal" with it over a glass of wine....