Tuesday, September 14, 2010

What not to say...

Today I had words with a co-worker. They weren't unpleasant words but rather words that were truthful & spoke from my heart & needed to be said. Words that I'm glad I got out & don't regret saying.

I work with a girl who knows we are TTC & having difficulty but has NO clue the extent of what we have gone through the last 3 1/2 years. She is far from considerate about the subject & is always asking me how "the baby-making" is going - usually in front of other co-workers. When I respond with "we are still trying" she will usually reply with "don't worry, when the time is right it will happen" or "maybe you need a vacation where you can relax & then you'll get pregnant" or "just be patient...it will happen one day" & that is usually followed by "at least it's fun trying"!

Today she asked the same question & replied with the same answer. I was a bit hormonal today & just couldn't bite my tongue any longer. I finally said what I was thinking & I was irritated so I know it sounded bitchy but I didn't care. It went a little something like this:

"Sarah, I know you are trying to be nice & I don't want you to take this the wrong way but when you know someone is having trouble getting PG please DON’T tell her to "just relax." Don't say it will happen when the time is right. Don’t tell her to adopt & then surely she’ll get pregnant on her own. Don’t say, “At least it’s fun trying!” because guess what? I've tried it all & then some & it hasn't worked. Scheduling sex around a calendar with the person you love is not fun. I have been trying to "relax" for over 3 years now & the timing STILL isn't right. So next time you ask me about "baby-making" the best response to my answer would be to say "I'm sorry" & just leave it at that. Or better yet, don't even bother asking at all!"

I then turned around & walked out of the department & headed to my WTF appt with the biggest smile on my face :) Man that felt good....

6 comments:

Rachael said...

I think that was a great answer to her insensitivity. Whether or not she gets the message loud and clear, at least you got to get that off your chest! :o)

Dandle Dreams said...

Good for you. She should keep her nose out of your private life. Now she's less likely to hurt another infertile with her thoughtless comments.

cowgirltn said...

Girl you needed to get it out. Sadly most folks don't know how to respond to infertility but your co-worker knows now.

Stefanie Denney said...

Good for you!! It sounds like that really needed to be said. There should be a PSA about how to talk to people going through infertility treatments!

Desiree said...

Good for you! I have a clueless girlfriend (bless her heart) that always says to me "Well, at least you can get pregnant." As if that makes losing them easier.

Let that dumb chick have it - you were way nicer than I would have been.

LCSween said...

I'm so glad you said this! I bet it felt amazing.