Monday, March 5, 2012

T-minus 14 days

14 more days until our DE consult...but who's counting??

Hard to believe that 17 days have blown by since I last posted & even harder to believe we are already 5 days into March!?

These last couple of weeks I have been in a "funk" & just not myself. My friends have noticed it, my co-workers have noticed & even the hubby said something about my mood lately. I haven't been able to figure out why I have been so grumpy & snappy & irritable....until today.

A co-worker of mine found out she was pregnant the exact same week I had my 1st FET. Unfortunately, I miscarried while she went on to have a healthy pregnancy. I have had to work with her every single day for the last 8 months & it has been torture for me watching her belly grow, listening to her complaints about nausea, fatigue, insomnia, stretch marks & swollen ankles knowing that I should have experienced all that along with her. As happy as I was for her, even her baby shower was difficult for me to be at.

She ended up giving birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl 2 weeks ago & after visiting her & Miss Samantha in the hospital an old wound had been opened once again & has been bothering me ever since.

Pretty sure this is when my "funk" started.

And to top it all off, I realized that today would have been my due date if my 1st FET would have worked :(

It's amazing how things buried deep in your subconscious can effect you so strongly. Pretty sure this has been the reason for my "Debbie Downer" attitude lately. I'm hoping now that Miss Samantha is here & I have passed what would have been due date #1 that I can snap out of this mood & get back to being myself. I just got back from a girls weekend in Vegas so that has definitely helped my soul :)

I am just really looking forward to getting past all these obstacles & getting back to my "old" self
. Bring on a new consult, a new plan & a new me :)


Casey // this modern love. said...

So weird, I was thinking about you today- and here you are! I am very excited to hear what happens at your consult. Hopefully it brings you renewed strength and positivity for the future. I know what you mean about the funk though- I remember forcing myself to go visit a girlfriend who gave birth, almost as a way to get closure because watching pregnant people was so so painful. Allow yourself to feel how you feel and do not fault yourself for it! Gigantic hugs.

Lynn0926 said...

Sending tons of GL for your DE consult! I hope this is the beginning of a beautiful new start for you! I am so sorry for the funk you have been in. I can't blame you!

Lauren said...

ugh, I'm so sorry. I would be in the exact same funk if that were me. I can't wait to hear about your appointment!!!

Jessica Juice said...

The same thing happened to me in my office. Another lady and I were pregnant at the same time. I tried so hard for mine, and hers was an accident. I lost mine early on. She's almost full term now, and I've handled it better than I thought. I can't offer anything more comforting than to validate how much this situation sucks and you can feel however you want towards it for a season.

Nickie said...

As always, I wish I knew what to say to make your hurt go away...or even less. I can not begin to imagine your pain or what you deal with. But know that today and always you and your journey are in my thoughts.

Michelle said...

I'd be in a funk too! Glad you had a good time in Vegas and I'll be anxiously awaiting to hear how your appointment goes!!

Cori said...

I'm counting down for you, too. This is taking FOREVER for the appt to come. (Are you tired of me whining about that yet?) I'm sorry for you funk, but it is so understandable. I just wish I could make time go faster for you, and fast forward through hard dates like that. You are so strong, Heather, and I admire you so much. Just keep on being you. And we're all always here when you do have moments where you need to vent. Lots of love, C.