21 weeks

I ended up telling our infertility story over on my other blog this past week as well as announcing my pregnancy. I was unsure at first sharing our story over there but am glad I finally did. It's like a huge weight has been lifted & I can finally share my excitement on the other blog regarding this pregnancy!

With that said, I am so very sad to say that I think it is time to be moving on from this blog. For the past two & a half years, this blog has been a huge outlet of support, release & mental therapy for me. Through the infertility forums, other infertility blogs & friends who started following me by word of mouth from a mutual friend, I have met the most amazing women & have become friends with these girls for what I hope is many years to come. I am hoping that all 70+ people who follow this blog will come join me for this pregnancy journey over at A Day in the Life of HT!

Can't believe I am even saying this but this will be my very last update & post over here. As much as I've loved pouring out my heart & soul here, I am really glad to be moving on - with an amazing outcome :)

So without further ado, here is my last weekly update here:

How far along? 21 weeks (baby is 10.5 inches long, weighs 14 oz & is the length of a large carrot)

Symptoms: Heartburn is better this past week. I am also finding myself getting winded if I do too much at once.

Weight gain/loss: + 0 lbs thank goodness. Made up for it last week! (total of 10 lbs total gained so far)

Maternity clothes? yes - all the time now for shirts

Sleep: sleeping pretty much through the night now

Food cravings/aversions: been craving cheese & pasta this week like crazy - this is NOT helping with my weight gain :)

Movement? yes, Baby T is kicking & rolling around all the time now. Sometimes I feel like there is a little martial arts going on in my belly :)

What I miss? hmmm - have I mentioned cold turkey sandwiches??

Best moment(s) this week: seeing Baby T on the ultrasound, finding out we are having a boy & Shane getting to feel the baby kick & move for the first time this week!

What I'm looking forward to: going to Florida with my sister & her family & spending 5 days at Disney in 2 weeks

Next Appointment: October 8th with my OB

Milestones: Initial fluttering movements have now turned into full-fledged kicks & nudges. Rapid eye movement (REM) sleep has begun & indicates that he is now capable of dreaming - of what I don't know since it is dark in there?! I am discovering a pattern to baby's activity - very active after I eat candy & when I lay down for bed. Baby's eyebrows & lids are now present also.

It's a...

BOY!!!!

Let the shopping begin :)

We had our Level II ultrasound this morning & it went great! We had a different Perinatologist this time & he was awesome. He took time explaining everything he was seeing & measuring which made us feel so much better about this appointment than the last time we were there. 

Baby T was super active this morning rolling around all over & the Dr found it difficult to get the measurements he needed but eventually he got them all. Everything measured right on track, all the organs were in the right place, baby was estimated to weigh 14 oz & I was measuring 5 days ahead of schedule. He said everything looks perfectly healthy & that I didn't need to see them again unless I started to have problems.

We both walked out of that appointment so thankful & relieved that Baby T is healthy & both agreed that it is about to get "real" now! I think it's time I can start relaxing a bit & start enjoying this pregnancy :)

20 weeks - "Half-Baked"

Wow - hard to believe I have made it to the half-way point. I never thought I would ever get to this point in this pregnancy & am just so very thankful! Hoping the next 20 weeks are just as uneventful as the first 20 weeks has been!? 

 

How far along? 20 weeks (baby is 6 1/2 inches long from head to rump & the length of a banana)

Symptoms: Still having the heartburn - especially when I lay down at night to go to sleep. RLP seems to be better this week.

Weight gain/loss: + 3 lbs (10 lbs total gained)

Maternity clothes? not 100% wearing them yet since I am still able to wear my knit skirts & dresses

Sleep: same story - different week. Still no trouble falling asleep, getting up once a night to pee & have been able to fall back asleep lately which has been nice!

Food cravings/aversions: had Mexican for the first time last week & it didn't make me gag. I think my love for chips, salsa & tacos is slowly making a comeback!

Movement? feeling Baby T quite often now rolling around & little "thumps" but only on the inside...nothing from the outside yet

What I miss? sleeping all the way through the night

Best moment(s) this week: getting to the "half-baked" mark - only 20 more weeks left to go

What I'm looking forward to: our Level II Ultrasound on Friday where we find 
out if we are Team Blue or Pink - then let the shopping begin :)

Next Appointment: Perinatologist on Sept. 21st

Milestones: Baby T weighs about 10.5 ounces & after this week will begin to be measured from head - toe rather than head - rump. He/she is swallowing much more these days, which is good practice for the digestive system & is also producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion that will be secreted in baby's first bowel movement.

HB @ 19w5d

One week from today we will have our Level II ultrasound & will finally be able to see if we are Team Pink or Blue. I am getting so very excited to see Baby T again & see how much he/she has grown since our 12 week ultrasound.

Unfortunately, I can honestly say that I am still very "guarded" about this whole pregnancy. When I start feeling anxious, one thing that always calms me when I am having doubts that Baby T is ok is to listen to the heartbeat with our doppler. It is such an amazing sound:



The heartbeat usually runs around 130-140's & the crackling sound is baby moving around - which he/she is doing all the time now :) It is such a cool feeling.

I am hoping that once we see that Baby T is growing normal & all looks good maybe I can start to relax & begin enjoying the rest of this pregnancy. I'm looking forward to start thinking about names, picking out nursery colors/bedding & registering for all the things we will be needing once Baby T gets here.

The last 20 weeks have gone by SO fast & I have a feeling that the next 20 weeks are going to fly by - especially with the holidays & my baby showers coming up :)

19 weeks

Had an appointment with my OB last Thursday & all went well. My weight is holding steady at 7 lbs total gained, my blood pressure was normal at 110/60, there was no sugar or protein in my urine & got to listen to Baby T's heartbeat again which was 145 bpm. My OB is pleased with my progress thus far & am crossing my fingers the remainder of my pregnancy stays this way. 

How far along? 19 weeks (baby is 6 inches long from head to rump & the size of a large heirloom tomato)

Symptoms: Still having a lot of heartburn & feeling a lot of achiness in my lower abdomen along with a lot of round ligament pain.

Weight gain/loss: holding steady at 7 lbs total gained

Maternity clothes? not 100% wearing them yet since I am still able to wear my knit skirts & dresses

Sleep: still no trouble falling asleep. Only getting up once a night to pee & have been able to fall back asleep lately which has been nice!

Food cravings/aversions: been craving a good ol' cold turkey sandwich like crazy this week

Movement? yes, feeling the little "flutters" all the time now

What I miss? like I said above, turkey sandwiches

Best moment(s) this week: seeing my favorite OB & getting a good report from her regarding my pregnancy

What I'm looking forward to: reaching the "half-baked" point next week when I am 20 weeks

Next Appointment: anatomy scan with the Perinatologist on Sept. 21st

Milestones: Baby T's arms, legs & facial features are in the right proportions to each other & the rest of the body now. The kidneys continue to make urine & the hair on the scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on the skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.

18 weeks

How far along? 18 weeks (baby is 5 1/2 inches long & the size of a bell pepper)

Symptoms: Heartburn all the time - ugh! Tums are my new best friend.

Weight gain/loss: total of 7 lbs gained. Will weigh-in at my Dr's appt this Thursday.

Maternity clothes? wearing a few. Bought a couple of cute maternity capri pants this week & they are SO comfy - love them!

Sleep: same old story....no problems falling asleep but still struggle to fall back asleep after the 4am bathroom call.

Food cravings/aversions: been craving pasta this week

Movement? yes, feeling more & more of the little "flutters" - especially while laying on my back

What I miss? sleeping all the way through the night

Best moment(s) this week: a dear friend of mine who has struggled with IF also had her 8 week ultrasound this week & everything looks great. I am SO very happy for her! Hearing her news made my week :)

What I'm looking forward to: seeing Baby T again at our 20 week ultrasound on Sept 21st

Next Appointment: Thursday, Sept 6th - 18 week appointment with my OB

Milestones: Baby T is busy flexing his/her arms & legs, blood vessels are visible through the thin skin, ears are now in their final position & a protective covering of myelin is beginning to form around the nerves. If baby is a girl, the uterus & fallopian tubes are formed & in place. If baby is a boy, the genitals are now noticeable.

17 weeks

How far along? 17 weeks (baby is 5 inches long & the size of a turnip)

Symptoms: not too many that are bothersome. The heartburn is better, the nausea is still gone & I still love to take my afternoon naps!

Weight gain/loss: +1 lb for a total of 7 lbs gained - ugh, creeping up the scale!!

Maternity clothes? a few - the shirt in the pic above is a maternity top & is SO comfy. It is one that I ordered from Motherhood Maternity last week & I am thinking I might have to order another one in a different color!

Sleep: no problems falling asleep but still struggle to fall back asleep after the 4am bathroom call.

Food cravings/aversions: still eating a lot of salads & loving the carbs

Movement? yes, feeling more & more of the little "flutters" - especially while laying on my back

What I miss? sleeping all the way through the night

Best moment(s) this week: spending the weekend with my mom

What I'm looking forward to: seeing Baby T again at our 20 week ultrasound on Sept 21st

Next Appointment: Thursday, Sept 6th - 18 week appointment with my OB

Milestones: Baby T's skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone, the umbilical cord is growing stronger & thicker, baby can move his/her joints & the sweat glands are starting to develop.

16 weeks

 

How far along? 16 weeks (baby is 4 1/2 inches long & the size of an avocado)

Symptoms: Feeling pretty good. Experiencing more frequent heartburn but that is really it as far as symptoms go.

Weight gain/loss: +1 lb (total of 6 lbs gained)

Maternity clothes? not yet. Got my package from Motherhood Maternity this past week & love the 3 things I ordered. Can't wait to wear them this fall :)

Sleep: the middle of the night "pee-fests" have decreased greatly which I am thankful for. Received my Snoogle in the mail this past week & not sure if I love it or not. Still trying to figure that thing out. However, I have busted my hubby a few times curled up with it so I'm thinking he may like it more than me - lol :)

Food cravings/aversions: been craving salads this past week for some reason!?

Movement? still feeling little "flutters" while laying on my back at night so I think this just might be baby moving around

What I miss? ice cold beer/wine - especially during my birthday celebrations this past week

Best moment(s) this week: celebrating my 40th birthday with all my close friends.

What I'm looking forward to: seeing my mom at the end of the week. She is visiting us from South Dakota for the weekend. Lots of fun stuff planned!

Next Appointment: August 23rd- AFP (alpha-fetoprotein) blood draw to see if the baby has a neural tube defect such as spina bifida or anencephaly.

Milestones: Baby T's legs are much more developed, the head is more erect than it has been & the eyes have moved closer to the front of the head. The ears are close to their final position & the toenails have started to grow. Also, Baby T's heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day & this amount will continue to increase as baby continues to develop.

15 weeks

How far along? 15 weeks (baby is 4 inches long & the size of an apple)

Symptoms: Feeling pretty good. Experiencing more frequent heartburn but that is really it as far as symptoms go.

Weight gain/loss: 0 lbs (still a total of 5 lbs gained)

Maternity clothes? not yet. Just using what I already have in my closest which seems to be working out so far. I did order a few things for fall that were on sale at Motherhood Maternity yesterday so looking forward to getting those in the mail.

Sleep: still sleeping pretty good. I ordered a Snoogle mini body pillow to help me not roll onto my back (which I do all the time) so that should arrive early this week. Hoping it works!

Food cravings/aversions: not really "craving" anything. Still steering clear from coffee & Mexican food & still have a weakness for potatoes - especially mashed!

Movement? This week I noticed that when I am laying on my back at night, I think I can feel Baby T moving. I can sometimes feel little flutters above my pubic bone so I am thinking this is baby? Or maybe it is gas...who knows??

What I miss? an ice cold beer & reading on the patio. It has been way too hot here to enjoy doing anything outside.

Best moment(s) this week: pre-birthday celebratory dinner with my girlfriends & a surprise appearance by my bestie Deanna who lives in Austin, TX :)

What I'm looking forward to: celebrating my 40th birthday this week - all kinds of social gatherings planned for the week :)

Next Appointment: August 23rd- AFP (alpha-fetoprotein) blood draw to see if the baby has a neural tube defect such as spina bifida or anencephaly.

Milestones: Baby T is busy moving amniotic fluid through the nose & upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in the lungs begin to develop. The legs are growing longer than the arms now, & baby can move all of his/her joints & limbs. Although the eyelids are still fused shut, baby can sense light & the taste buds are being formed. If I were to have an ultrasound this week, we would be able to find out whether the baby's a boy or a girl! Unfortunately, that US isn't for another 5 weeks :(

Results

The nurse called today from the Perinatologist's office with my lab results from the MaterniT21 test. Unfortunately, I was away from my phone so she left a message. I was SO nervous listening to that message that I had to play it twice just to make sure I heard the information correctly!

NEGATIVE!!!

For Down's AND Trisomy 13/18!

Thank you God - I couldn't feel more blessed. One more hurdle crossed...

14 weeks

Goodbye 1st trimester....HELLO 2nd trimester :)

I went to see my OB this afternoon for my 14 week checkup. She did the usual - checked my urine for glucose which there was none & my blood pressure which was low so all checked out ok. She said my weight was right where it should be so that is good. I got to hear the heartbeat also which was ticking away at 148 bpm. I will never get tired of that sound!! She also gave me the "go-ahead" to resume "intimate relations" with the hubby so I know he will be one happy camper when hears this :)

So, all in all things are going really well & I have no complaints. And without further ado, here is the update I know a few of you have been anxiously awaiting...

*I didn't have time to take my usual pic this week but this is from Saturday evening which shows my "baby bump" pretty good. I went with my friend Jilly to the J-Lo/Enrique concert & it was a fabulous time!

How far along? 14 weeks (baby is 3 1/2 inches long & the size of a lemon)

Symptoms: The nausea is gone & my energy is back! Woo hoo - glad to finally be feeling back to myself. However, I'm not really crazy about these DD's I am carrying around ;)

Weight gain/loss: +2 lbs (for a total of 5 lbs gained)

Maternity clothes? not yet. I did however buy my first maternity t-shirt at Kohl's this weekend but it is still a little too big to wear yet. My sister also sent me some maternity tops for the fall, a pair of jeans & a pair of shorts to wear which all fit pretty good. I also went through my closet & pulled out what clothes I could wear as "maternity" clothes (tunic tops, sweaters, leggings, etc) & mix/matched some outfits for the fall. I was surprised at how many outfits I actually do have in my own closet that will work!

Sleep: no problems other than still waking up to pee at 4am & not being able to fall back asleep. Will this ever end??

Food cravings/aversions: now that I am feeling better, I am trying to eat less of the "comfort" foods & add healthier items into my diet. Still can't give up my potatoes though!!

Movement? none yet

What I miss? honestly?? my "C" cup boobs - lol :)

Best moment(s) this week: seeing my girlfriend Desiree & leaving behind the 1st trimester

What I'm looking forward to: feeling the baby move

Next Appointment: August 23rd- AFP (alpha-fetoprotein) blood draw to see if the baby has a neural tube defect such as spina bifida or anencephaly.

Milestones: Baby T can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, & suck his/her thumb! Facial muscles are getting a workout as the tiny features form one expression after another. The kidneys are producing urine, which is released into the amniotic fluid around him/her. An ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, is starting to develop all over his/her body. The liver starts making bile this week & the spleen starts helping in the production of red blood cells.

13 weeks

This is my last week in the 1st trimester - which I find hard to believe that I have even gotten to this point! These past couple of months have been so surreal & sometimes I feel like this isn't really happening to us. I'm hoping this feeling of being pregnant will start sinking in soon & I can get to a point where I can relax a bit. Still just taking it one day at a time... 

*remind me not to where plaid - or maybe just this dress?! I think the plaid makes my "baby bump" look way bigger than it actually is!

How far along? 13 weeks (baby is almost 3 inches long & the size of a medium shrimp) 

Symptoms: I think I have gained a cup size in my boobs & am going to need to buy some bigger bras soon. They are also SO very sore. Still feel a little nauseated in the morning & when I am feeling hungry. The fatigue & exhaustion are slowly starting to fade & I am starting to feel back to "normal" once again.

Weight gain/loss: + 1 lb (back at a total of 3 lbs gained from my starting weight which is right where I should be for the end of the 1st trimester)

Maternity clothes? not yet

Sleep: still easily falling asleep & can now make it to 4:30am without having to get up to pee. Still can't fall back asleep though once I have gotten up :(

Food cravings/aversions: Still loving the tomato, basil, mozzarella panini's. Still not wanting any coffee, mexican, or my absolute favorite snack: popcorn.

Movement? can't feel any yet

What I miss? I actually miss being able to wear all my cute shorts - especially since it has been so flippin' hot here!!

Best moment this week: last week in the 1st trimester

What I'm looking forward to: starting the 2nd trimester next week

Next Appointment: 14 week visit with the OB on August, 6th 

Milestones: Baby T's fingerprints have formed on the tiny fingertips, the veins & organs are clearly visible through the very thin skin, & the body is starting to catch up with the head — which makes up just a third of the body size now.

1st trimester screening

Today I had my 1st trimester screening ultrasound & even though it went well, it was not what I had expected. I guess you could say I was a bit disappointed with how it went. 

We first met with a genetics counselor who went over both our medical & family histories as well as what kinds of chromosomal abnormalities the tests will be able to tell us. We were told that just based on my age alone, we have a 1:74 chance of having a baby with Down's & a 1:96 chance of having a baby with a Trisomy abnormality. Then we discussed what the Perinatologist will look for during the ultrasound & whether or not I was going to do the blood test that goes along with the screening.

Next was the ultrasound. The tech took us back to the room & got me ready. Then the Dr walked in, introduced herself & she was ALL business. There was no small talk, no warmth in her personality, no questions...nothing. She didn't even say one word to Shane. All she said was that she was going to take a look & started up with the scan. The scan itself took all of 2 minutes. She looked at the baby at different angles, froze some images, measured the crown/rump length, showed us the head, face, arms & legs, printed off 3 pics & that was it. No nuchal translucency measurement. No indication if the nasal bone was present or not. All she said was that "everything here looks real good so I want to see you back in 8 weeks." 

I don't know if I was stunned or in shock or what but I forgot to ask about the measurements & before I could think to ask them she was out the door. I was left alone with Shane to gather my things & I looked at him & said "what the hell just happened? was that all there is to it?" He was as stunned as I was.

Before the scan, we had decided to do the blood test so I don't know if because we were doing that then there was no need to do a nuchal measurement & worry us or what but I just thought it was strange & not very comforting. I know she said everything looked real good but I just felt like she was hiding something from us & that we didn't get the entire screening. I was a bit disappointed & a little pissed at how she had treated us.

As of last Nov, they have a new blood test called the MaterniT21 test which detects fetal DNA in the mother’s blood & reveals whether the fetus has the extra copy of chromosome 21 that causes Down syndrome. It is 99% accurate. It also can detect Trisomy 18 with 99% accuracy & Trisomy 13 with 91% accuracy. If the test is negative then it is pretty safe to say the baby has no chromosomal abnormalities. If the test is positive the next step is an amniocentesis just to verify 100% what the abnormality is. 

I discussed it with Shane & we both agreed that if there is something wrong with the baby, we would both want to know so that we were more prepared so I went ahead & did the blood test. The results will be back in 8-10 business days. Yes I am nervous for the results but I've decided I'm not going to worry about it until I have proof of something to worry about.

So that is how my appointment went. I guess all is good but for some reason I expected more. Regardless, we got to see Baby T again & that in itself made it all worth it!

12 weeks

*posted early just for you Cori :)

What a good feeling it is to be able to say I made it to 12 weeks! Only one more week to go & I will be moving on to 2nd trimester :)

How far along? 12 weeks (baby is just over 2 inches long & the size of a lime) 

Symptoms: The nausea is pretty much gone except when I first get up & still feeling pretty tired come mid-afternoon. Also this past week I have started getting heartburn more often which I have never had before. 

Weight gain/loss: Remember those 3 lbs I lost last week? Well, they quickly returned. Now I am back at 2 lbs above my starting weight. 

Maternity clothes? Not yet but I did buy a couple of knit "maxi dresses" this week for fall that are cute! I am loving how comfortable knit skirts & dresses are :)

Sleep: Still get up a couple of times to pee & still have trouble falling back to sleep after the 3am wake-up call. I am also a right-sided & back sleeper so I have started to consciously stop sleeping on my back but will end up waking up there :( I have read sleeping on the left side is best but I hate laying on my left - hopefully I get it figured out.

Food cravings: I have been on a "panini" kick this past week. I recently bought a panini press & will buy the ciabatta bread loaves at Panera Bread Co. I have been eating all kinds of different hot panini's & loving them. My favorite is the tomato, basil, mozzarella panini. So yummy!

Movement? no - too early to feel it but getting a sneak peek this week at Baby T I could see that he/she was moving all around in there.

What I miss? cold turkey sandwiches from Jimmy John's & Panera

Best moment this week: making it to my last week of the 1st trimester

What I'm looking forward to: another chance to see Baby T at our 1st trimester screening US this Friday

Next Appointment: 14 week visit with the OB on August, 6th 

Milestones: Baby T's fingers are beginning to open & close, toes can now curl, the eye muscles can clench, the mouth can make sucking movements, the kidneys will begin excreting urine into the bladder, the eyes have moved from the sides to the front of the head, & the ears are right where they should be.

Sneak peek

Yesterday I was at work & had some time to take a little "sneak peek" at Baby T with our portable US machine. It doesn't produce the best images since it is a cardiac ultrasound machine - or maybe it could be that the operator is trying to press a probe into her belly with her right hand while trying to record the image on her phone with the left hand?!? LOL

Regardless, I think you can get a good idea that there is definitely a baby in there :) The image of Baby T fades in & out due to the fact that I was trying to press hard with the probe & move it around while trying to get a good image - not the easiest thing to do.

When you watch it, you will see that Baby T is hanging out, upside down at the top of my uterus. Head is on the right, legs kicking & moving around on the left, arms waving around in the bottom middle & you can see it's little heart beating in the middle above the arms.

Pretty amazing, huh? 

We have our 1st trimester screening ultrasound this Friday, July 27th. This is the ultrasound where they identify risk for specific chromosomal abnormalities like Down Syndrome, Trisomy-21 & Trisomy-18. I am a bit nervous about this one but am trying to convince myself it is out of my control what the results will be & I have to trust in the "big man upstairs" that everything will turn out ok. If not, I guess we cross that bridge when we get there.

Coming up...12 week update :)

11 weeks

Earlier this past week I ordered a hand-held fetal doppler off of eBay & got it on Thursday. As soon as I saw that it had arrived, I checked to see if i could here Baby T's heartbeat & after a few minutes of searching, there it was beating away at around 140+ beats per minute :) Such an amazing sound! 

I am glad to have gotten the doppler as it will hopefully provide some reassurance on those days when I am needing to know if everything is still ok - especially after my symptoms go away!

How far along? 11 weeks (baby is just over 1 1/2 inches long & the size of a fig)

Symptoms: The nausea still comes & goes but is tolerable. Around 3pm I hit a brick wall & the exhaustion sets in. Lovin' me some afternoon naps!

Weight gain/loss: Not sure how but I lost 3 lbs this week so I am now 1lb under my starting weight

Maternity clothes? Not yet. Lovin' my knit skirts & dresses though!

Sleep: I sleep pretty good up until around 3am when I need to get up to pee. Still having a lot of trouble falling back to sleep :(

Food cravings : Any kind of "comfort food", still enjoying my BLT's & loving watermelon & grapes. My love for Mexican food is long gone & some days I can't even stomach the thought of it :( Weird, huh?

Movement? no - to early

What I miss? a glass (or two) of red wine

Best moment this week: finding the heartbeat with my own doppler

What I'm looking forward to: Making it out of 1st trimester

Next Appointment: 14 week visit with the OB on August, 6th

Milestones: Baby T is now almost fully formed. The hands will soon open & close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under the gums, some of the bones are beginning to harden & baby is already busy kicking & stretching.

10 weeks

Had my 10 week appointment today with my favorite OB & I am so happy to report that all is good so far :) After a very long minute (felt like 10 min) my Dr. was able to find the heartbeat using a fetal doppler. It was loud & strong & fast & the most beautiful sound ever! Even my Dr. said she didn't expect it to be that fast but that it was a great sign that things are going well!

I won't see her again until August 6th for my 14 week appt & will have my 1st screening US sometime in the next 2-3 weeks. A little nervous about that one as this is the US where they can detect markers for Down's Syndrome & Trisomy abnormalities. Praying that everything checks out ok!

How far along? 10 weeks (baby is the size of a small strawberry)

Symptoms: The nausea is getting better - as long as I keep eating every 2 hours but the fatigue/exhaustion has really set in this week. I left work early a couple times last week just so I could go home & nap. 

Weight gain/loss: up another 1 lb (total of 2lbs gained)

Maternity clothes? No - but don't think I haven't been looking at the maternity section at Target & Old Navy thinking how comfy some of that stuff looks!

Sleep: No trouble falling asleep. Still getting up a couple of times a night to pee & the last few nights my 3am "pee-fest" keeps me awake until about 5am :(

Food cravings : Still loving my potatoes but have also been on a Caesar salad & BLT kick with the awesome garden tomatoes the neighbor brought over & also loving watermelon.

Movement? no - to early

What I miss? still missing those turkey sandwiches :(

Best moment this week: Hearing the heartbeat on the doppler!

What I'm looking forward to: Making it to 12 weeks

Next Appointment: 14 week visit with the OB on August, 6th

Milestones: Baby T was considered an embryo last week & a fetus this week, is almost 1.5 inches long, is constantly moving even though I don't feel anything yet, all of the organs, muscles, & nerves are in place & beginning to function & the touch pads on the fingers have formed & already have fingerprints - absolutely amazing!

9 weeks

I have struggled for the last few days on when would be a good time to start the baby bump pics & updates. I was going to wait until 12 weeks but figured since everything was going so well that I would go ahead & start today. I probably won't post pics every week at first, but will try & at least do the updates. 

I did an US check at work again today & saw a strong heartbeat so that helped make my decision also. It just might burn me in the ass later on but what the hell. Here goes nothing...

How far along? 9 weeks (baby is the size of a grape - however this bloat I am feeling makes me look 5 mos pregnant) 

Symptoms: Still feeling the waves of nausea from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed. Eating every 2 hours seems to help as well as sucking on Jolly Ranchers throughout the day :) Also, my boobs really ache & are busting out of my bra - might be time to upsize!!

Weight gain/loss: up 1 lb

Maternity clothes? Not yet but this bloat I have is making it impossible to fit into any shorts/capri pants that zip or button. Went to Old Navy today & purchased a few knit dresses & knit skirts for a more comfortable fit around the waistline :)

Sleep: No trouble falling asleep or staying asleep yet but wake up at least 3 times a night to get up to pee.

Food cravings : Carbs - especially potatoes. They can be mashed, boiled, baked, roasted, fried - I don't care - they are all good!!

Movement? no - way to early for that

What I miss? Turkey sandwiches & an ice cold beer

Best moment this week: Getting to 9 weeks with a strong heartbeat - farthest I've ever gotten.

What I'm looking forward to: Making it to 12 weeks

Next Appointment: 10 week visit with the OB on Monday, July 9th

 
Milestones: Baby T is nearly an inch long. The heart has formed all 4 chambers & the valves start to form this week as do the little teeth. Eyes are fully formed & the baby has tiny earlobes. Amazing for being just one inch long!!

8w4d

This will be a quick update as I am leaving for South Dakota in about 15 minutes but didn't want to leave y'all hanging :)

This morning's US showed Baby T measuring a day ahead of schedule at 8w5d with a heartbeat of 175 bpm!! We saw a little tiny head, little arm/leg buds & the umbilical cord. The tech said everything is looking great thus far!

Sorry for the blurry pic. I can't seem to get a picture of the copy without it being blurry :(

7w4d

I have had lots of texts & emails asking how I have been doing/feeling so thought I would update y'all :) Thank you so much for caring enough to check in on me!!

The most common question I have been asked is how I am feeling.

Well, so far so good. I am 7w4d today & have all the normal symptoms of being pregnant: sore boobs (especially my nipples - which is weird), desperately needing a nap by late afternoon & nauseated. Not just in the morning but ALL day, every single day. I spend my days looking forward to 930pm when I can crawl into bed & not have nausea for 8 hours! Oh & I CRAVE carbs! Can't get enough of them!!

I was learning to just deal with the nausea & manage the unpleasantness of it at work (trying to keep anyone from knowing) but my sister told me there was no need to suffer & feel miserable & to call my Dr for some Zofran. I agreed with her & made the call. The nurse called me in the prescription for Zofran that afternoon & by 530pm the first dose was down. By the time I got home I was already feeling better. I took another dose the next morning & my nausea was SO much better. Not 100% gone but very manageable & I have felt pretty good these past few days. Zofran is a Godsend!!

While the nurse had me on the phone, she also told me that my OB wants me to have another US next Friday just to be sure that everything is going ok given my history. So I will go in at 9am next Friday where I will be 8w4d. This is how far I got in my last pregnancy so I know I will be a nervous wreck. 

As I mentioned before, I have access at work to an US machine that we use in the cardiac cath lab - score for HT :) So I think I will be doing an US on myself the day before just to verify that things either are or aren't ok.

With that said, before I left work today I decided to do a "HB check" just to make sure all was good & this is what I saw:

 
Now I know it isn't the best US you ever did see & the first video may or may not even be sideways but let me tell you, it was quite difficult sneaking into a closet with an US machine, while using my right hand to press the wand into my abdomen & use my left hand to record the image with my cell phone. 

But never mind that mental image. If you look closely, you will see the heart beating away - looks like a little cursor blinking. I counted it for 15 sec which was 38 blinks & multiplied it by 4 to get the heartbeat so it looks like it is around 152 bpm which is within the norm. 

Absolutely amazing! I just love that I have the ability to check for a HB whenever I want to help ease my fears when they arise.

We still haven't told our parents, co-workers & a majority of our friends don't know. I have only told a few "select" friends & plan on keeping it that way until we have our 12 week US - if we are so lucky. I am debating telling our parents after the US on Friday as I will be seeing them next weekend & would be fun to tell them in person. We will see though.

So for today, I am good & so very thankful. I will update again next week...unless something happens before then. Thank you again for all the warm thoughts, prayers & for checking in! I wish I could hug you all!!

US = HB

This afternoon I went in for an US to detect a heartbeat of "Baby T". I was saying many prayers on my way to the Dr's office that we see a strong, healthy heartbeat & guess what? God answered.

We have a heartbeat - 107 bpm :)

The tech said that the normal heart rate at 6 weeks is around 90-110 bpm so we are right within the normal range. She also said the sac looks very healthy as does the embryo & everything is measuring right on track.

She also pointed out something else amazing. If you look closely, you can see 2 black circles on the embryo which are the optic vessels & will later become the babies eyes. The heart is the darker white spot located right underneath. It was absolutely amazing watching a heart beat on a little blob that is only 5mm long. 

Unfortunately, I don't see my OB until July 9th when I will be 10 weeks. I was told I can come in any time to have an US done (out of pocket of course) just to ease any fears so I just might go back in 2 weeks. I do have access to US at work too so knowing me, I just might have to do some periodic "self-checks" just to make sure we still have a heartbeat.

As far as how I am feeling - my morning sickness really kicked in these past few days & carbs have become my new best friend. As long as I eat crackers before I get out of bed in the morning & eat every 2 hours I do pretty good but if I go past 2 hours I start to feel really ill. Not going to complain though. I am just so very thankful to have gotten to this point at all!

Epilogue...part 2

First off, thank you ALL for your sweet, wonderful comments you left on my last post. (((HUGS))) to each & every one of you :)

So upon seeing that 2nd line pop up, I did what any crazy infertile woman does. I ran out the next day & bought another box of pregnancy tests & pee'd on them for the next 3 days to see if the "line" was getting darker & holy hell, it was. I also had a bunch of leftover meds from my last FET cycle so I immediately started taking baby ASA, doing my daily Lovenox injections, one progesterone suppository at night, additional folic acid & my prescription prenatal vitamins. Just in case... 

A couple of days later, I made an appointment with my favorite OB/GYN & was sad when the scheduler told me at the end of the year she would no longer be practicing Obstetrics but will be focusing on research instead - boo :( I went ahead & saw her this past Friday & she was SO happy to be seeing me for a "prenatal" visit. Unfortunately, I am now going to have to find a new OB to go to which is a bummer.

At my appointment she did the usual...pelvic exam, went over all the "do's & don'ts", did a urine test & got my labs drawn. We went over all my meds & she said to stay on everything until further notice. I also mentioned that I had been having right sided ovarian pain & she immediately ordered an US to be done before I left to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. I was so relieved because in the back of my mind I was a bit worried about that & with all I have been through it would just be nice to know there was an embryo growing in the right place.

So the US showed this:

One gestational sac & yolk sac growing in the correct spot (the little black circle above the Baby "T") along with a 3mm cyst on my right ovary which is the cause of my pain. 

SO THANKFUL :)

I am to return this Friday for another scan to check for a HB & my Dr. said she wants me to have an US every single week until I am 12 weeks due to my history, for peace of mind & that it will cause me less stress knowing every week that everything is or isn't ok. Have I mentioned that I LOVE my OB???

So for today, I am 6w0d. I'm still not sure what to think about all of this & can't help but feel that it will all be over any day now. I think of how this little blessing is truly a miracle & that there has to be a reason I got pregnant naturally. I also think that God can't possibly allow me the loss of another little one & in that next second I am thinking "or can he?"

Only time will tell & for now...I am taking it one second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

So if this all works out, Baby "T" will be due around Feb 4th, 2013.

Epilogue

So you know how with every good book, there is always an epilogue after the ending of the main story?! It is usually written to provide "closure" to the story you have just read.

Well this my friends, is my epilogue....

Those of you who follow my other blog know that the 1st week of May I went on a 9 day vacation (without the hubby) to FL with my girlfriends & then to WI to see my sister & her family. I came back relaxed, refreshed, mentally recharged & it was just the break that I had needed. I returned emotionally ready to settle into this life of ours without children. 

Shortly after I had returned, I had felt the all to familiar sharp, stabbing pain in my right side which meant that I would soon be ovulating. I feel it every. single. month. & it is not a pleasant feeling. I just so happened to have a box of Clear.blue O.P.K tests under my sink left over from previous attempts & since I have an obsession with peeing on sticks I went ahead & tested - just to be sure....because you never know, right!?

The first day was negative & the 2nd day was this:

No surprise there since I know my body pretty well!

Well, needless to say it was the weekend....I had been gone 9 days....the hubby missed me....I had missed the hubby....so you get how the weekend played out!!

Fast forward 2 weeks later.

My cycle is a 29 day cycle - like clockwork. I am about as regular as you can get & I can usually predict within 24 hours when Aunt Flo will be making her appearance. So imagine my surprise when 29 days come & go with no period. I knew it was well on its way though because for the last 3 days I had cramps & lower back pain like I always get right before my period.

Well, 2 days later & still nothing. 

It is now Sunday evening & we were having a cul-de-sac gathering with the neighbors & I was looking forward to opening a great bottle of red wine I had bought earlier in the day. But since I was "late" & since I had one left over PG test under my sink & again, the fact that I have an addiction to peeing on sticks I figured what the hell - might as well test & get it over with so I can open that red wine! 

I just knew it would be negative...

Um - as you can clearly see the test was not negative.

IUI's x 5 = $7300

IVF x 2 = $28,000

Acupuncture = $1365

FET x 2 = $6800

Taking a random PG test after being 2 days late & seeing a BFP with no medical intervention = f-ing priceless!!!

To be continued.....

The End

Today would have been my due date for FET #2 :( 

It is the last mental reminder & mark on the calendar that I have of our journey these past 2 years & to say I am glad it is here is a relief. It is almost like the slate has now been wiped clean & I can put all of this behind me. I can now move forward with the life that has been chosen for us.

It is bittersweet for me to be closing this chapter in my life. However, these last few months have allowed me to heal mentally, accept what I can not change & look at the positives of living life without children & not dwell on the negatives. 

Honestly, the one negative that I probably will never be able to get past is when I am elderly there will be no child(ren) to visit me in the hospital, or take care of me when I can no longer take care of myself. Or when I die there will be no child(ren) of my own at my funeral or who have "preceded me in death". I think that is what bothers me the most. 

I blame how I feel on my profession. I see many elderly people in the hospital or having a procedure done with no children there & it saddens me when there isn't anyone there for them & I think "that will be me someday" :(

Other than that, I am doing well with the cards that have been dealt to us. I turn 40 in August & I have always said I would be done with this journey by then so I guess it is time. It is time to close this chapter of our lives & move on.

Over these past 2 years I have found a community of bloggers (& a few real life friends) who have struggled with infertility & these women have been such an inspiration to me as well as SO supportive. It was sometimes painful to read or hear their stories of success with treatment & trying on their own, but deep down I was always truly happy for them as I knew all too well the struggle they had gone through with getting there. Their successes are what gave me hope & their stories reminded me that I wasn't alone in this journey. 

I just want to take a minute to thank each & every one of you for being there for me & following me through all this "drama" by always offering your kind words & thoughts either on this blog, the boards on the Bump or by a text message. Your kindness has touched my heart & even though it sucks we all had to meet on a board or blog about infertility, I am so glad we did! I am hoping by having shared my story, I have been able to help others along the way or even be an inspiration to someone else - even though we didn't have our own "positive" outcome.  

I am going to be leaving this blog up & open as a resource for others but sadly I think this might very well be my last post. Our IF journey has ended & it is time for HT to move on. 

Infertility is one of the worst things a woman & a couple will have to go through. There are so many times that I wish we were not dealt these cards, but in the end, going through this has made me such a stronger person, it has brought me closer to my husband, it has made my marriage stronger, I have encountered girlfriends for life for what we have gone through & for that I will always be thankful. 

If you would like, please feel free to follow me at my non-IF blog or recipe blog.

Checking In

Well, it's been exactly 3 weeks since all the drama went down. Figured I would "check in" with you all & let you know how I have been doing. I have been keeping myself entirely too busy with work, my social life, planning a much needed getaway, yard work & doing more of the things I love to do like cooking, baking, shopping, spending time with girlfriends. I even started a new "recipe blog" which I have been wanted to do for months. Check it out for some awesome recipes from HT's kitchen & follow along as I update it weekly. Keeping busy has been exactly what I needed & mentally I am doing much better.

I saw this quote on Pinterest a couple of weeks ago & it touched me. Touched me so much I printed it out & made it a magnet to put on my fridge so I see it everyday.

I planned on being a mother to two children. That was my dream for the hubby & I when we had gotten married. The last 5 years of our marriage has been attempting that dream & now I need to put that dream aside & focus on what lies ahead. I need to begin enjoying the life that is waiting for us....without children.

My sadness has began to go away. My desire for children is slowly fading. My heart is on the mend for what I have began to realize will never be. I am slowly learning that a life without kids is going to be okay. It has to be because we are out of options & I am learning to be okay with that also.

I had two situations that happened to me in the last few weeks that opened my eyes & gave me a "peace" that everything was going to be okay.

The first one has to do with a girlfriend whom I had dinner with shortly after all the "drama" went down. She has been my "go to person" throughout our IVF journey & I have been hers offering each other support & encouraging words whenever we needed it. She is on her own IF journey struggling with DOR also. I pray daily for her & her hubby that it one day works out for them. 

After hearing me break down about how I don't know where to go from here, how I felt DE was our only chance, how I was heartbroken, etc. she tells me she has a confession to make & it was killing her keeping it from me & how she hoped it would help me to hear it. 

A couple of months ago, she had gone through IVF & it unfortunately didn't end well. She ended up with a couple of frozen embies & had a chemical pregnancy with the last two they transferred. It breaks my heart because I know all too well her devastation, pain, grief & frustration she is going through. She then confessed to me that during her IVF cycle, she responded so poorly with stims that they decided to use DE instead. They had used a young donor, got a numerous amount of eggs, they fertilized & grew well, they transferred two, froze two & still after all that ended up with no viable pregnancy.

Hearing her story helped me in more ways than she will ever know. At that moment, I had a "revelation" if you will. I realized that donor eggs are not always the answer. You spend all that money & still there is NO guarantee you will get a baby(s) out of it. It is a 50/50 shot at having a baby & 50% of the time it doesn't work. I guess I just always thought that DE was our answer & we would for sure get a baby from it but I know now that is not the case. It is not my "cure" nor is it my "answer". Honestly, like all of this it is just a crap shoot & after hearing her story I don't know that I want to take that emotional & financial gamble yet again?!

I thanked my friend for opening up & sharing with me. Having dinner with her that night changed me. Changed my thought process. Changed the way I felt about how my husband reacted to DE. Changed my outlook on the future. I like to think it was God's way of having an "intervention" with me through my girlfriend :) She was in the right spot at the right time when I needed her the most. Thank you for that my friend - xoxo!

2nd "a-ha" moment:

The co-worker I have talked about here & here came back to work from maternity leave last week. I had to stomach through everyone asking to see pictures, how the baby was doing, etc. It was tough to hear so I managed to keep my distance from her....until this past Friday.

We were scheduled to work in a room together on Friday & by 9am the way I looked at my co-worker changed. Something had set her off & she was in tears. Now we aren't close by any means & that is my own fault because for the last year I have kept my distance from her which in turn probably made her think I didn't like her. For that I feel bad because anyone who knows me personally knows I am a kind, sincere, tenderhearted person.

Anyway, I gave her a big hug & asked her what was wrong & she just spills out how tired she is, how she is mad at her husband for lack of helping out with the girls, how she is upset she is going to have to work late tonight, how dropping her baby off at daycare is so very hard every morning & on & on. I just sat there & listened to her vent because really that is all she wanted...for someone to listen.

I realized then that even though she has 2 beautiful daughters, her life isn't perfect. Everyone you know is more than likely "going through something" & it is not right of me to judge or be envious of them or what they have. Hell, she probably wishes she had my life most days. I also realized after listening to her that I need to let go of my resentment towards her & her life I so desired because honestly, after listening to her, I was thankful that wasn't me. That's right, I said it. I am thankful that isn't my life. Right now, at this moment I am pretty happy with the life I have.

That's progress ladies.